life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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