Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
