I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
