is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
