I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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