So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
