my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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