You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
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We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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