I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
