i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
