The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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