Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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