He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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