Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
