You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
