i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
