So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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