dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's Friday. Sex?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
