her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
