I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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