thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
