Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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