Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
