the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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