it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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