just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
