I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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