I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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