now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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