I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
