Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
