Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
