I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
