i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There are leaves in my underwear?
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