Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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