He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
