I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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