I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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