So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
