coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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