Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
