Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
