boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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