Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
