quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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