and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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