I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
