Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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