Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
