What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
