I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful