Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.