She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
