I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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