she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
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Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
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They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.