We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude i'm inner monologue high
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
