I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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