Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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