I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
