He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
