i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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