We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I want to fling myself into the sun
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
