I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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