I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
