Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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